Recently I was driving home from 2 days of in-person sessions. Hitting traffic on the road for the second day in a row I started to get anxious. I had already spent 10 hours of diving time over the weekend. You can probably imagine, I did not want my final leg to last any longer than it needed to.
My phone announced “Traffic is getting worse, you will now arrive at 7:30.” Immediately frustration surged and I tried distracting myself with music and podcasts but the tension inside was building… I don’t love long drives.
Desperate, I began talking to myself as a means of switching the negative flow of thoughts into something more relaxed and positive. What if I was avoiding my own accident this way? What if Will (my partner) also needed more time before dinner? What If I was supposed to have more time to reflect on sessions? What if I was being given this opportunity to give myself energy work? What if it wouldn’t actually take that long? I was attempting to talk myself into a positive mindset. Aware of this I realized that I was actually attempting to practice trust in the moment… and failing.
Trusting the moment with out needing to control the outcome is a practice that I am strengthening. Intuitively I am certain of the freedom this will bring. Being more on the Type A side of the spectrum, it’s certainly still a practice but one I am committed to.
Close to hour 2 of the drive (it should have been 1.5 total) I watched my arrival time inch froward as traffic slowed. I needed soothing and I asked my Guides to help me shift my thinking/ feeling state. They pointed me back to my earlier thoughts and attempts to figure out what I was getting out of the set back to feel better. They offered that I should consider why it hadn’t worked. I lightly returned to those thoughts with a new curiosity. What wasn’t working there?
Trust. Trust wasn’t working there. I wasn’t in trust at all and couldn’t get there with the thought process in place. The positive thinking rambling no longer worked for me. Instead of trusting I was focused on receiving something to change my state. I placed my attention and energy into the potential outcomes (I didn’t actually believe) and with that, my own power.
Good, they told me, go deeper.
I let the feeling of Trust fill me and I recognized that trust is not about having. When in true trust I am without the need to make sense of the current circumstances in order to feel good. Instead, trust is deciding that the circumstance is to my benefit even if I do not understand how. Trust does not come from ego, or positive talk and judgement. It is a decision you make.
Once I recognized this and simply chose to be in trust, all the irritation drained from me in a whooshing motion. Trust is peaceful. Trust is still aware, and exercises discernment, it is still grounded. Trust is not overly positive, fantastical thinking, naïve or hopeful. Trust is key to being in flow and cooperating with life instead of opposed to it or controlling it. Trust is a choice, it is a vibratory state that is constantly available to reside in.
So, a new and deeper understanding of trust is what I received from the extra driving hour. But, I had to let go of the need to receive anything in order to do so. That is trust.
I hope this brings you inspiration and freedom.
In gratitude,
Joanna
